at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
