im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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