Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
