Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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