But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
