im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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