I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
