I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
