i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
