were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
