I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
