2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we made out on top of his cat.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
