Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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