i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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