This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize