You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
