This girl is more easily done than said...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
