You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
