I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
