i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
