God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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