think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
