Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
