Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
