I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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