Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
