Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
