I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Houston, we have a squirter
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
