I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize