What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
