i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
