respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
