If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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