I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
