I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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