so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
