checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
