Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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