dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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