i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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