It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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