the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
