I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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