If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
