GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
