you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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