Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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