omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
