If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
