Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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