I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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