I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
