Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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