I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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