I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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