Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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