Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we're making bets on your personal life
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Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
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If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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