I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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