Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
