in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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