office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
