her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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