HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
