If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Houston, we have a blender
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad