It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out