so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.