We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
