Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We're too hungover to prance.