i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts