can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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