Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
